Lithium

Let me apologize to start with,

Let me apologize for all I said and did,

'Coz many a times I was ignorant

Of what was wrong and right

But many a times I could swear

It was you.

I have seen the emptiness,

I have felt the blue

I have been the nascent storm

The calm before the gloom

And all I did to fill the void

Was thrown away askew.

I’m a loner by popular choice

And I’m silent by my own,

I rest by day in a ricketing bed

And stitch my heart

With no heart to mend

And yes, the pun was my intent.

If you try to find a rhyme

It’s not here; don't waste your time,

My words are crude, no need to chime,

Don’t be my friend, just go, it’s fine

I won't be sad, the pleasure is mine

Don’t miss me, I know, but I’ll be dying.

Possessed

Many a times have I heard,

a familiar someone mutter:

words of pain, words of wonder,

Words that make me wish

I weren't who I am,

and I wouldn't

who I could be...

I could tell you tales

You wouldn't believe,

I could tell you

That I'm not me,

I'd rather hide it

behind my vanity

else you'd call me demented.

But there's this voice,

at the back of my head,

that whispers things,

instructs me to paint

my world red...

with tools of choice,

and words to persuade.

I have lived on the edge,

daring myself to go further.

I have looked down that cliff

holding myself back,

just an inch, and a hundred feet

only a fickle nudge,

and I'm only a memory...

The voice dares me

to stop holding on,

and it grows more able,

while it takes over me,

and I slowly realize,

on a not-so-far away day,

I'll cease to exist, and

...jump.

Yours truly, your conscience

I'm dead...

I've been this way for long now.

Death's dull, never changing

and always possessive, never letting me go.

Unlike life; she never took me in:

rather let me go, without a second thought.

I'm innocent, I'd let you know,

before you presume any guilt on my part.

I'm clueless as to why I was abandoned.

But I'm silent...as I'll always be...

...and dead.

I lay mute, and at peace with my suffering

My only hope, my father, looks the other way.

I had looked onto him with my hopes high

He'd nurture me to my prime, instead murdered me.

With mild sadistic ecstasy in his heart

he writes my last words.

“Yon Death, my love

With thou have I betrothed

Tho' I shalt parry with thee

Eternal battle to win thy love

Thou shalt once set me free”

“Yon Death, my love

To thee do I beg and beseech

Grant me my freedom

I shan't forsake thee

As my father hath, pray, me.

Have me into thy warm tomb

and nurture my lifeless self.”

The writing stops...

I realize I've been forsaken...again.

Like an incorrigible child,

I keep my hopes up,

waiting for the words to come.

But my trust decays slowly

and I lay...mute...and dead.

Hope Advocacy

Don't hold on, my friend
it's time to let go;
it's time to close those eyes
it's time for you to know.

You'd lie for you to be alive
you'd pray the times to slow
you'd fret and fight to save the lie
but it's time for that to show.

They're wrong, your thoughts
They're wrong, your beliefs
You've been living in a dream, my friend
of the sweet dreary eyes,
the sad tinkle of lies
and of the long and loud screams.

Break open the doors,
Walk out to the world
where your dreams, your whims
would follow your heart.
Caress your eyes with the beauty outside.
Stretch those lips when you're happy inside.

The world's not bad,
if you're willing to find
A grain of solitude
in the middle of the night.
You'd find some solace
that I'm willing you to take
in mysterious ways
the void would be at stake.

I'd throw some light
for you to see,
your fallen self
in front of me.
I'd pick you up;
I'd dust your head;
I'd stab the blue
you'd laugh instead.
I'll help you sure
and the hurt would mend.
It's time to let go
Don't hold on, my friend.

The Reckoning - Part I

...everything is silent around me.the voices in my head are numb, dull., and wavering...my thoughts are going quieter by the second and it becomes harder to listen to them. Indistinct and distant, they seem to betray me at the moment. Am I going Sane?? I hope not. I love my insanity, every quiet, disturbing moment of it. Wait... I think I see something in the void... A man... drunk in a sober melancholy...why is he sad? My curiosity awakens...words present themselves to me one by one...some faithful...some...not so much...I cancel them with irritation...my diary becomes a mess... four lines...that was all...four lines...

Silence was never more a stranger,
Than a loud conjunctive of his being,
and the incidents that became a play,
a fallacy of his morbid routine.

Does it make sense?I don't know about you but it does to me... but it raises a doubt in my head...
the man seems somehow known to me... I feel close to him like a kin or a son...but still, the picture is unclear...the man is still masked by the aura of ambiguity...I wait...for the clouds to clear...

Alone

Alone

Why do you sit there in the dark?

Let me come hold you near my heart,

If you could let me be and stay,

I’d make your sorrows disappear.

Now, come, just look me in the eye,

I won’t be strong until you try,

And I will open my arms wide,

For when in tears, you need to hide.

Hey there you, can you hear me now?

Is it me or is my voice fading out?

I scream and scream for you to hear,

But you fail to notice my tears.

You ask of me to leave you be,

Bind me in fear to set me free,

Bind me in chains to give me hope

Drug me with lust, blood and dope.

I’m the cancer that you keep,

Lick me with those sweet fingertips,

Damn me within you out of spite,

I will breathe in you like a parasite!

Rape me and spit me out in hell,

But don’t forget to cast your spell,

Fill my veins with dirty mud,

Of a thousand wars, and clotted blood.

Salvation is a noisome lie,

No light, no fire when you die,

So keep me close until we die

I’d keep your darkness safe with mine.

Reminisces of a Drunkard

We all did then drink

Since the morning

We all hence did stink

By that evening!

One was a wee bit scared

And was near defeat

The other one, he dared

And he did, excrete!

Two were a lil' quiet

And they did try to handle

The one who had spilled his diet

And slept amidst the scandal!

But one brave scallywag

Dared most among the band

His sweet mother did he brag

'Til december keep his stand!

A sweet lass sat near all

Named the next to the best

She'd listen to big and pretty small

And help to remember the rest!

Umm...

Umm…

Come little ones, I beseech you,

Fiddle with my brain,

Harness it and comprehend

Fickle ways to entertain.

Little ones, you play hard to get,

I sit alone in this crowd,

Procrastination abates my libido,

And only you ornate it’s shroud.

Little ones, I yawn and crawl,

And the world does seem all dead!

I give way to my stony eyelids,

To slip into my lofty escapade.

Little ones, you’re here I see,

I’ve found you few at last!

You hide in my sad darkness,

And put weird voices in the vast!

Please little ones, do hold on,

I’d shape you steady and slow.

I find myself and a pen, again,

You hide, hey, where’d you go?

Creativity with a bunch of Firearms

Creativity with a bunch of Firearms

Wait and watch, you miserable thing,

Your world goes down, you’d dare to blink?

Scared and crying, you pray to him,

He won’t listen, he’s dead within,

To whom do you turn, in this hornet’s nest?

A voice in your head, “ Just stab your chest”.

Light your torches, burn your house

Shoot your mother, kill your spouse

Abandon hope, show some violence

Throw a molotov, and bring some silence

Undo all, you’ve done your best

Then slit your throat, and take some rest.

You’re of no use, on this Earth

Ran in circles, a meaningless birth

Meaningless verse, obvious rhymes

Die in your filth, and live in your crimes

A bullet to Adam and Eve, you mind?

I’m just Satan, no axe to grind.

An Innocent Murder

I open my sleepy eyes

Into the hollow dark emptiness

Of these four walls ,

Which cocoon me,

Hold me captive,

As a helpless and morbid form

Too weak to see the light.

I get up drenched

From my sad and noisy bed,

Which fails to hide

My nightmares and my phobias

That push me to the corner,

With my legs folded on my chest

As a shield to protect.

I take a look around:

I’m alone as always;

But its better this way:

At least my paranoia

Of oblivion and betrayal

Cannot stab me in the back tonight.

I sigh out of relief:

Another night I’ve managed

To hide and stay alive,

If this is what it’s called.

I curve my weak lips to smile

At my sorry self,

And at my specious victory.

But then the door creaks open,

Faint moonlight fails to reach me,

But lights up her body as she enters

The room which fills with her aura

That somehow fails to glow on me.

I remain hidden in the darkness

As she glows in her own strong aura.

I lift my face to look

At her beautiful kind face,

Her many-a-times healed form

Which told stories of the battles

Of her mean and unforgiving past.

Her aura exudes her strength

And her power to forgive.

She stands in the centre of the room

With her eyes closed as if in a trance:

A silent strife against the darkness

Which with each passing moment, leaves me.

I clutch on to the last morsels

Of the darkness of which I’ve become

A thankful parasite.

Moments pass by and my curiosity

Starts to get the better of me,

When she finally opens her eyes,

Which settles on the inhabitant of the room.

She takes a moment before she calls me

To herself in her arms, to protect me,

To promise eternal light and happiness.

Her words soothe my soul,

And I try to reach out to her,

To let her help me, caress me.

She hands me a chisel and beckons me

To bring down these walls that weaken

My mettle, and strengthens the shadows

That guard my captivity.

The cold chisel hammers into the wall,

And frees the bricks that have been

Effective in enslaving me as its prisoner.

But as the bricks fall by one,

My paranoia grows stronger,

And I begin to feel vulnerable and naked,

As I had always feared to be.

My fears now take control of me,

I realize that I belong to what I’m ridding,

Destined to be damned in the dark corner

Everlong in this never ending life.

I stab her between her chest,

She falls to the floor which fills with her blood

I reach down to collect her bones to rebuild my walls.

Epilogue:

I search for your sense of introspection,

I long for that gift of gratitude.

All you need is an intervention,

All I want is some solitude.